Phailed. Big Time!

End of October.

2011-10-30T20:41:00.001+08:00

So what are the big things that happened for this month? Nothing much. Went to the zoo, had a steamboat dinner with the Lee's, finally applied for SUTD, have my own workstation at WDA, went through a life-changing experience over the weekend @ TAM.

Convinced my dad to buy a storage bed and some new shirts and currently in the midst of successfully psycho'ing both my parents to get a Galaxy S2 each. I still haven't receive my remuneration from work, hopefully it'll reach by the end of next week. Oh yeah, managed to further optimize my crappy Acer Liquid. I know I complain alot about my phone, I have always had a love-hate relationship with Acer but the good news is that someone is working to port ICS to the Liquid!

I swear that I WILL get my hands on the ASUS transformer pad prime and a BOSS GT-8 by the end of this year and clear any outstanding. Another year has passed, well almost passed but still! It's really fast!

Whoa.

2011-08-28T16:25:00.001+08:00

One word titles are awesome, it gives you ambiguity and lots of room for digression. But I would prefer to have 1 word fortune cookies, that way they will be concise bullshit. Straight to the point, no fuss.

Imagine you break one and the message you get goes like "Lady luck smiles upon you, from rags to riches you will become." That's utter bullshit. Whereas something like "good", "bad", "lol" or ":)" just saves time.

On a side note, I have no idea what this post was dedicated to and that the title of this post bears no relation with whatever junk I have just written.

Seriously, I can't remember what I wanted to blog about in he first place.

Lost.

2011-08-20T04:35:00.001+08:00

I am trying to find my way in life.

I am trying to find my future career.

I am trying to find myself.

I am trying to make you happy.

I am trying to not blame myself.

Above all, I am trying not to fail.

And yet, no progress has been made.

I am still stuck here.

:D

2011-08-03T12:57:00.001+08:00

Thank you, you made me feel alot better like you always do. :)

Egocentric.

2011-08-02T23:30:00.001+08:00

Its just me.

It really is.

...

2011-08-02T04:09:00.001+08:00

Fuck.

Can't sleep.

2011-08-02T00:16:00.002+08:00

What have I done?

My life is in a complete mess now.

My thoughts are even more confused now.

What have I done?

2011-07-24T20:19:00.002+08:00

Hello.

You are looking at the worst person in the world.

Selfish and all.

I am such an asshole.

I really hate myself, just die already.

abcXYz

2011-06-27T13:18:00.003+08:00

A year ago, things seemed so different.
Before the time that we started.
Could things stay the same in future?
Don't count on it, as everything is ever-changing!
Enjoy the present and embrace the memories!
Follow our hearts and not worry too much.
Good things come for those who wait.
Hopefully, we don't need to wait so long!
I guess we should also be happy with what we have.

Just remember that we have each other :)

Keep that in mind when doing anything.

Let us be reminded that we have someone to fall back on!
Make good the time that we have, that is now.
Not forgetting the future we'll build!
Over the months, I have learnt so much from you.
Please keep on teaching me about myself, yourself and us.
Question my thoughts and actions, if you must.
Rest assured I will tell you everything!
Say what you must and I will answer.
Today, tomorrow, together, there we will be.
Understanding and loving each other so much.
Very much like the couple from Up!
Whenever you need me, I will be there.
Xinyi, Thank you so much for everything.
Yesterday, were memories that I will cherish.

Damn it. Words beginning with Z are like words that are seldom used

Thank you for everything, for being my wall for me to fall back on. For being my source of energy.

I love you so much.

Thank you.

To do/ buy list for the rest of 2011

2011-06-26T23:00:00.001+08:00

Okay, so it took me less than 5 mins to realize that alit of things in my room and my life has been at a standstill for close to 2 years. Thanks to NS. I have alot to do, like really alot.

First up, I already did a major packing of my room a few months back. And yet, it is still not enough. This time round, when I say packing I mean throwing out worthless junk that I have kept for more than 5 years thinking I might use it someday. Oh yeah, I need to make full use of my drawers in my cupboards and empty the ones in my table.

Next up, buying new clothes. I think underwear should be given more priority, since some of the elastic bands on my current ones have totally lost their elasticity. And ah crap, I keep forgetting to send my black jeans for alteration. Eh..since 7 months ago.

Plus, I am badly in need of shirts, especially dress shirts.

And since the death of Mcspazatron, I haven't been able to do any work on the go. All I have now is a fancy paper weight, which has a working LCD screen and RAM. I took out the hard disk and converted it to a mobile hdd the moment it officially died, so yep. Prolly going to save up for a tablet with a physical keyboard dock.

Then, I recently discovered some problems osqccurring very frequently on my desktop. My desktop is already obsolete in computer-years, and it might not be easy to replace certain parts. I estimated the resale value of my current rig, and it would fetch me about...$300 if I am lucky. Not to mention, the only thing I can salvage would be the casing. Thus, it is better to keep it as a spare PC or server and get another one. Argh, more savings are needed.

So yep, that's what I would be focusing on and hopefully I would be able to achieve these goals by August or September!

GSS X 2

2011-06-23T19:04:00.000+08:00

So that's prolly 2 GSS's I have missed, for 2 years straight. And for that same 2 years,its due to Camp Lions. Not that I mind though. Its just..I have saying that I have been wanting to update my wardrobe but yeah.

Buying clothes for me is rare, unless they fall under the category of militia peripherals. Not stuff that you can get from E-mart or beach road, stuff that Singapore doesn't sell. And no, they aren't illegal.

Ah fudge, hate it when I try to blog from my phone only to see half of my post saved. Too lazy to retype so yep, that's all.

Hopefully, I can get some nice clothes by this Christmas! Although I won't mind getting a ghillie suit heh. In just less than a month, I will be back to civilisation and of course catching up with technology! So until then, my liquid will suffice!

GSS X 2

2011-06-23T19:01:00.001+08:00

So that's prolly 2 GSS's I have missed, for 2 years straight. And for that same 2 years,its due to Camp Lions. Not that I mind though. Its just..I have saying that I have been wanting to update my wardrobe but yeah.

Buying clothes for me is rare, unless they fall under the category of militia peripherals. Not stuff that you can get from E-mart or beach road, stuff that Singapore doesn't sell. And no, they aren't illegal.

Hopefully, I can get some nice clothes by this Christmas! Although I won't mind getting a ghillie suit heh. In just less than a month, I will be back to civilisation and of course catching up with technology! So until then, my liquid will suffice!

One step at a time, slowly.

2011-06-21T22:30:00.001+08:00

Nah its nothing big really, been thinking alot lately and maybe alittle too much. I think it is safe to say most of my worries are really redundant, or even harmful to a certain extent. People around me, as my mirror, reflect my actions and decisions. How am I to see myself without my mirror?

I guess I should really stop worry and focus on what's important. I still have no idea why I have been limiting myself, and I acknowledge the fact that I am still am. Well, it really has to stop.

Half the year has gone past already, there's still more to come. I have one last step to take before I can safely say that I have started anew. Just 1 more month.

Just a few words.

2011-06-12T02:12:00.001+08:00

You may be far away, is it night or day?

In batam, in a room, deep in slumber?

Rest well, body and mind, let the stress unwind.

Are you relaxed, are you less stressful, I wonder.

Good night :)

2011-06-09T12:16:00.002+08:00

If you are wondering why I am blogging at this hour, yeah I am.

From my office that is.

Just a week away from 4 months worth of preparations, and hopefully it would be better than last year! After that, it's going to be a month away from my freedom and a long awaited break. I miss having a life, which includes technology.

I've decided to rest today since I would be running around a lot tomorrow! We are gunning for the top prize!

To 2.

2011-05-12T02:02:00.001+08:00

I don't get the chance to see things from your side, even if I do it's on rare occasions. The many times you listened as I fell asleep, the many times you slept late because of this.

I am not angry, but rather sad. I put you through alot, you put up with so much. The times I misunderstood your actions, the times I gave up so readily.

I am truely sorry, I really am.

Good night.

2011-05-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

Whoa, it's been 2 months since I have been here.

2 Months? Alot of things have changed, for better I guess :D

Camp is drawing closer, it's almost near the half year mark for 2011.

Have I done anything significant?

Different people would have different standards, and normally I would agree that I have indeed accomplish quite a lot. Not the case this time 'round. The under-achiever in me is ready to call it quits and be contented, but somehow a voice is telling me to do more. She's pushing me to do things I wouldn't do, telling me to do something else.

She's pushing me to put aside anything to do with self-interests and be more active, she's telling me I can do more. For all my life, I have been putting in borderline effort in most if not all of my tasks. I guess it's a good time for change, this got me to notice that there are certain things which I've put in more effort than I realize. And these things seem so effortless only because I find joy in doing it.

The main reason would probably be the company of friends, with great support keeping me going and fueling my passion without me even knowing. Granted, that it wasn't all smooth sailing but considering the fact that everything went well and I, myself had a great time and gained much more experience, there really isn't anything to complain about.

It's been awhile, since I felt that energy. I can't recall when this lack of...drive began. It doesn't really matter now since I am working to get back on track, and also I have found my portable battery pack :3

Enough of the reflection, 'cos its time to look ahead! Onward!

Khanti, I has!

2011-03-08T20:41:00.001+08:00

Usually in such situations, I would have blown my top off long ago.

The funny thing is that I am calm :)

Guess its because of you, you always calm me down, make sure I don't do anything rash.

Thank you so much :)

Love you so much, hcssaxyxy!

BlitzKrieg

2011-03-07T22:05:00.002+08:00

Starting something is always the hardest part but when you gain momentum, everything slowly starts becoming easier and nothing stands in your way.

Of course, once you come to a halt you'd have to start all over again. Let's all keep the ball rolling, keep the page alive and running! Most of all, keep the clicking and the typing :)

Operation BlitzKrieg commence!

Day 30 odd 50

2011-02-25T11:31:00.001+08:00

One last entry, to end this nicely.

There was you, there was time with you.

There is, however, something more important than you.

For you alone, just remains the same as before. With nothing special and things remain unchanged.

I not only think of you, I also think of us.

Day 29 plus plus plus plus!

2011-02-15T23:50:00.001+08:00

I have mentioned time before but this time is different, because it is time spent with you!

Time spent with you.

It doesn't matter what we do, it doesn't matter if nothing is said because time spent with you is special.

Time spent with you.

Day 28 plus plus plus :3

2011-02-10T22:54:00.001+08:00

You.

Yep, you.

You put the smile on my face.

You put my laughter in place.

You make my world, you are my girl!

You colour my days.

You follow me at my pace.

You make me me, as how I make you you!

Just you.

Yep you.

Nobody but you! :D

Day 27

2011-02-01T23:00:00.001+08:00

Mega uber family reunion dinnah!

Day 26

2011-01-31T22:31:00.001+08:00

Twice today, it occurred. It may not be much but it brought smiles, brightened my day and put me in a good mood.

I was walking to the station when the rain grew heavier, I had to stop and wait for the lights to change. In front of me stood a lady holding an umbrella.

She turned around and told me to quickly get under the umbrella and not to fall sick. It might have been just a small gesture of kindness, but she was really sincere.

The walk was short but even a little kindness goes a long way :)

Day 25

2011-01-29T23:40:00.001+08:00

There are some things that occur even when the odds are obviously against it. No one can explain such occurrences, neither can one predict such incidents.

Probability, you can be so random at times.

Day 24

2011-01-28T13:31:00.001+08:00

Today is just another day, while walking back from lunch I realised how cold of is outside.

I didn't bring my jacket, although it wasn't really that cold. Now as I wait in a small room, the little pitter patter sounds of raindrops gets shut out as the glass door closes.

Windy days just makes me smile.

Day 23

2011-01-28T00:15:00.001+08:00

Somethings are just so wonderful, its amazing how magical they can be. They symbolize many things, put a small value together bit by bit and watch it snowball into something big!

Amazing how numbers work eh?

Its almost 1 year already, its 2 incredible to believe. Against 3-mendous odds, you made me 4 in love with you.

5-nally, its almost a year, my 6-ee lovergirl! Okay h8 to admit I got nothing for 7, and you ain't on9 :(

Now, we just need to wait for 10 years :3

Day 22

2011-01-26T23:37:00.001+08:00

Something I lack, for quite a while.

Something I don't get so very often,

Even during the lazy long weekends;

Something to make your body soften.

Everyone needs it quite badly.

People can't do without it everyday,

People get frustrated and get cranky;

Everytime they lack it in every way.

Sleep.

Day 21

2011-01-25T23:52:00.001+08:00

Simple, pure and bright. For it brings sight.

In Buddhist context, it symbolizes wisdom as darkness symbolizes ignorance.

With light, there is life.

Day 20

2011-01-24T22:51:00.001+08:00

Little prisms flying in the air, floating, floating, floating, gone! So fragile, so delicate, so beautiful. One breath creates a dozen, but not so easily.

The life span averages barely over a minute, pity. Shortlived. Once gone, never to return.

Bubbles.

Day 19

2011-01-23T23:54:00.001+08:00

The unknown, filled with so many possibilities! A canvas in the sky that catches the stars above. We have yet to reach the absolute end but when will we ever reach there?

So many questions and yet so little answers. Are we alone? Definitely not!

Space.

Day 18

2011-01-22T23:31:00.001+08:00

Life as we know it, and the life that we live is not set in stone. Take granted not the days that pass. Boring it may be, but at least home isn't war torn.

Peace.

Day 17

2011-01-21T20:23:00.001+08:00

The start, the end and the cycle. We have learnt of its nature, but we fail to put to practice removing oneself from the circle.

Easier said than done, talk is cheap anyways. Don't ask yourself how much more do I have to suffer, but instead ask yourself how much have I done to alleviate my suffering?

Talk is cheap, whining is worthless. Do yourself a favour and invest wisely. As much as I do sound cynical, pessimistic and apathetic, I am able to see the beauty of life. At times.

I see the 2 sides of the coin, but I am blatantly slanted to one side.

That's life for you :)

Day 16

2011-01-20T23:14:00.001+08:00

Dreams.

I haven't had one in a long time, or maybe I just don't remember. When one dreams, one isn't getting proper rest since the brain is still super active.

I still feel tired these days, even when these days are dreamless. Guess I still need longer sleep hours. Need to hug you to sleep too :3

Dreams.

Day 15

2011-01-19T23:59:00.001+08:00

Every bit of this world needs a good mix! If not, everything all be bland and boring.

It adds meaning, diversity and many more! So stay this way, lets paint the town red!

Colours!

Day 14

2011-01-18T23:03:00.002+08:00

I look, I reflect, I ponder and I reminisce,
the days and night I enjoyed the best.
Intangible, unbreakable, and irreplaceable;
they stay and they seem so unforgettable.

The price I'd pay just to re-live those days,
the magic it creates never cease to amaze.
once more, and again I beg you once more;
just once more, I beg thee, encore.

Memories.

Day 13

2011-01-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

I clean forgot about one of the most important things in my life, without it everything would seem dull and boring. Without it, my life is incomplete. You cannot see it. You can feel it. You can hear it. You can embrace it.

The moods it creates, the moods it destroys and the moods it enhances. Pure brilliance.
An average human can last 40 days without food, 4 days without water and less than 4 minutes without oxygen.

No music, no life.

Music.

Day 12

2011-01-16T22:20:00.001+08:00

One can learn many things when doing menial tasks. For the simplest of actions can generate a vast amount of lessons to be learnt.

Patience.

For it is what that made the most intricate designs, carvings and tapestry.

Patience.

Day 11

2011-01-15T22:51:00.001+08:00

The best medicine, free and in abundance. Contiguous, and most definitely infectious.

Share it with the rest, it brings smiles and joy to others.

Laughter.

Day 10

2011-01-14T23:59:00.001+08:00

The people around you, not bounded by blood. The ones who stand by your side, in times of trouble.

The brothers and sisters.

My friends.

Day 9

2011-01-13T23:01:00.003+08:00

I have decided that today's post should be less on words.

I have decided that today's post should be less on words.

The great outdoors, be it natural or man-kind.

Still awesome.

Day 8

2011-01-12T22:48:00.001+08:00

The power to do things one rarely does, the strength to perform amazing feats.

The ability to endure relentlessly, the will to fight on for what we believe.

A driving force, unwavering and ever so strong.

Anger.

Day 7

2011-01-11T21:44:00.001+08:00

Hustle and bustle, the city life. Where one waits to rush and rushes to wait. Like robots, machines and clockwork, the people around me are bound to a schedule.

No room to stop and smell the roses, until one breaks down and gets force out of this rat race. From rags to riches, but money can't buy. The thing we once had as we watch time fly.

Freedom. To do the things that we want.

Day 6

2011-01-10T17:47:00.001+08:00

Meh. Rain again. Would like some snow please and thank you! Maybe age is catching up with me, but that's really fast if it really is!

More frequent muscle aches, not to mention headaches too. Its still too early to say I am getting old, but fact is I am. There's no escaping it, but I won't embrace it either.

What exactly are you? A constant.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Day 5

2011-01-09T16:47:00.001+08:00

Amongst human interaction we will get to see rational arising at times, once in awhile it would be drowned out by ignorance and assumption.

Lest one takes a minute or two to step back and calmly reflect, only then will one be able to grasp the crux. For when it disappears, conflicts surface.

Understanding.

Day 4

2011-01-08T23:21:00.001+08:00

Weather these days just makes anyone crawl into bed and bundle yourself up. The nights are colder than usual, makes me wonder if we will get our white Christmas some day.

I stare out the window only to see the endless rows of buildings ascending to the skies above. Slowly, it will all disappear someday. How often does anyone looks up to stare at you?

My sea of blue, my boundless horizon.

The sky.

Day 3

2011-01-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

Skies of blue, sands of white and trees of green. The salty sea breeze and the warm sun rays.

Even if it is man-made, I won't have it any other way!

The beach.

Day 2

2011-01-06T21:45:00.001+08:00

I just realized what I have been doing for quite awhile, call me oblivious if you might. We all don't pay attention to our surroundings when we get used to it. We take them for granted.

We don't appreciate anything once it becomes a routine. Day in and day out, its been a month has it? Nothing nor anyone could ever replace nor replicate the one thing that matters most.

Family.

Day 1

2011-01-05T17:39:00.001+08:00

I can't say its a good start to this, being cooped up indoors for hours limits interaction with the vast outside world. Routine, mundane...ever so dreary.

A fixed route, a fixed timing, a fixed pay. Fixation, asphyxiating. Nothing much to see, no cameras. If there's one thing soothing my senses, it'd be the rain.

Therapeutic, relaxation. Cool. The raindrops on the window of the bus sliding across the window as we move. It's nothing much, that I know. The reflection on the roads remind me much of Christmas, especially towards the evening.

Its beauty in its simplicity, I find.

Rain.

Whoop-de-doo!

2011-01-04T14:52:00.001+08:00

Shit. Auto-rotation is off again. Okay hold on.

Yay! Got it on! Okay, now to start blogging proper! 2010 has been a great year, new people, new experiences and of course..new clothes :3

I am frankly quite fearful of the unknown, which would be the working environment. Starting August, I should be starting work full time. I hope to continue my studies after I gain some experience, hopefully by 25. Get a degree then resume working.

At this age, you would think it'd be good if you knew what you really wanted. I still don't know though. That doesn't mean I will start off 2011 on a bad note, and on that bomb shell its time for me to go back to work!

Working hardly, yet hardly working!

2010-12-23T18:29:00.001+08:00

Ah crap, I didn't turn on the auto orientation change for my phone. So here I am, in office, once again all alone. The good news is that I officially don't need to return to work until the 4 Jan!

Awesomeness! I just need to wait for 1 last key to return first, then hope there aren't any workaholics left in their branches. Lock up and home sweet home it is! My throat hasn't been any better since camp ended. It makes me sound really sleepy over the phone haha!

That's bad when people assume I am sleeping during office hours. Ah crud, my batt is currently at 48%, hope it lasts until I get home. 2010 was really fast, like really really fast. I guess this year was mainly a good year for me that's why :)

Camp was a double success! Some should know what that means, if you don't you ain't no organ! (Sorry, internal joke. Heh.) QGY will end the year off nicely, and that would close the 2010 chapter!

For 2011? Things just get better and better :) Merry Christmas people, and a Happy New Year!

Oh irony, please spare me

2010-11-09T05:55:00.001+08:00

05 30hrs

So last night Xinyi helped me checked the first bus to my work place. 05 55hrs, great! No problem at all, I just need to wake up early right? So I did, it rained abit but no big deal really. Packed my stuff in a rush then I remembered something, wait..what time was the first train again?

Nice. First bus at Eunos - 05 55hrs, first train from Bugis - 06 10hrs. Now I recall why I have taken a cab all this while since my first KO Duty. It's stupid, really it is! The bus ride from the interchange to my work place takes 30 mins, while the train ride to Eunos takes just 10 mins.

And the best part of it all? Claiming. Which only can be done when takes the taxi because no buses or trains operating. So while I am waiting for it to be 6am, when the midnight charges stop, I shall go make a sandwich now.

Meh, and I could have gotten 45 mins more rest. Thank you hcssaxy! For the morning call :) Love you loads, hope your day doesn't start off like mine :P

10 40hrs

Mother trucking hell! Argh, I forgot to take a receipt from the driver and thus, forgoing my vehicular claims. Shall stay positive, negativity only breeds more negativity! I knew I forgot something!

18 27hrs

So now here I am eating instant mee, cos I forgot the canteen closes before 5pm. Luckily, I have instant mee in my office but from the looks of it..I owe my office 2 packets of instant mee. Tom yum and curry, hopefully I can leave by 7 if not latest 7 30 cos I need to meet a trader at 9 30pm.

Office blues

2010-11-08T15:10:00.001+08:00

Hi there, I am bored off my ass in my office. I miss my cute hot sweet sexy and lovely girlfriend, and I am hungry. I went off for a jog just now but forgot to pack my lunch.

Good thing I am connected to the internet, but it is at 5kbps. Still, it is better than nothing. I can't wait for 1 month to quickly pass, so I can spend more time with Xinyiiiii! I will be quite busy helping my parents with work for just awhile.

Love you loads, lovergirl :)

Bricked

2010-10-25T23:25:00.002+08:00

Finally, my phone is dead. I knew it was too good to be true! There's no way my phone would have no problems! Bad news is no better crap phone, now stuck with crappy crap phone. Good news is that my dad has a new laptop, which means Macspazatron has finally thrown in the towel and decided to convert itself into a hardisk.

The laptop would make a cool prop for future games or filming etc, now we have a new game mode for nerf wars which is - Secure the intelligence! I am thinking of saving up for a netbook, good for meetings and not to mention its portability! Plus, I share the com with my mom now that my dad can just use his laptop. Netbook means that she can use the com - when I am not gaming. Hahahaha.

Things have been moving pretty well! I have been wanting to post this status on Facebook but nah, so I shall post in here (bearing in mind that I am just doing this for fun, laughter, peace and joy!): 30% of the Lee family knows me, 30% of the shaw family knows me. Beat that, Liang Jian.
Just kidding! I am really happy that I got to meet your parents! It's nice to finally not be afraid to hang out near your place or moving around near the NEL.

Your family is cool :) I hope to get to know them better and vice versa! Preferbly in English, since I am working on my Chinese! Heh! Love ya~

Face-lift!

2010-10-05T21:05:00.004+08:00

Yep, it's been way too long since I last visited my own blog, let alone post something!

I have been busy lately with work, the usual long hours and also not to mention Girl-friend time!
My room has changed quite a bit from the last time, a very very big change in fact!
And here it is!

And the final product!

I think I did a pretty fine job with the DIY gun display rack! Took less than a day to get everything up and wall-mounted! Too bad my oriental partition thingy isn't tall enough to conceal the whole gun rack if not I would be able to achieve the "secret gun stash" look!

My room is so much more spacious now, got rid of a shit load of useless junk which was perceived to have certain redeeming qualities in the distant future. Too bad I have long discarded the "Oh-I-might-be-able-to-use-this-someday" attitude, no more taking up precious space!

That's all for today, I will update again when I start spray-painting the rest of the guns! So stay tuned, and hopefully it won't take me more than a month to update! Ciao!

Wheeee

2010-08-21T00:26:00.002+08:00

Harrowz. Xinyi is here to hijack Vicky's blog.
Loveloveloveloveloveyou (:

Don't anymore, NERF more important right. BYE.

Craving for gobstoppers.

2010-08-06T00:48:00.003+08:00

That's why. Thank you xinyi for giving this really cute colour pencil to me. As you can see from the picture, people at the bottom suffer and get the most ill-treatment but have no idea what to do. Hence, they can only cry out for help, and they when are minority.

While middle class feel they aren't getting their worth, they feel as though they are being used and are willing to make use of any means to get their goal. As you can see they are scowling and showing signs of aggression.

Then there's the slightly above average class, happy and contented with what they have. A bit of surplus to enjoy some luxury items.

Of course there are the upper class and elites, why else why they not be so happy if that are joint good money and enjoying life? They get richer and richer, until someone makes a super super dumb mistake. They sit so high up, that they couldn't care less about who is the one having to take their suit and nonsense!

Just being stupid btw.

Gaaaaaaaaaah!

2010-07-27T09:40:00.001+08:00

So many things to do yet so little time, somehow I knew things wouldn't be relaxing even after camp lions.

And cool! Now the 3G network had extended its coverage to my office! No more slow laggy 2G for me!

Okay, I seem to have misplaced my black notebook. I haven't seen it since the royal rumble nerf match we had. If anyone does happen to find it let me know yep!

My 2nd longshot has arrived, and it's sitting in one corner of my room as of a week back? Shall do a nice paint job first before i send it off for modding! And i never knew my house had a workshop below! The only problem is its 10 bucks an hour, but it is machinery and tool haven! The guy also mentioned a precision laser cutter arriving soon! Zomg!

And can't wait for next month to arrive, heh! Ultimate geek toy coming up next month, too bad the sound component is shit expensive. Well, that's it for now! Time to get back to work now, going go to run in about 2 hours time too. Ciao!

Project B50C

2010-07-15T23:21:00.001+08:00

Okay, its been a long awhile. Nobody really stops by to read anymore with a few exceptions. Just finished up a major meeting, preparing for one is ass-tedious not to mention nerve-wrecking. Chasing down people for their inputs, spamming the world and making multiple calls here and there.

Enter the life of the keyboard warrior. Some say the pen is mightier than the sword, they obviously have never met the keyboard and the mouse. Welp, still can't rest yet. There's an even bigger meeting coming up next month, the biggest of them all. For that, I might need to prepare for multiple panic attacks, back to back.

I feel like taking the day off for tomorrow, but meh. That'd be irresponsible of me! Haha, I didn't only because I have stuff to do which is due by the end of tomorrow. Oh yay! I heard thunder, or at least I think I did. Hope it rains, would be really nice to sleep heh! I should be sleeping soon, while a certain cute girl is working hard! Heh! It's getting abit late, I hope you are almost done, xyxy! Don't want you to sleep too late yep!

I have decided to do a crazy mod for my Recon, hopefully it will turn out good. I mean the concept is pretty sweet and unique! 'Cos I haven't seen it being done before, so I hope I can pull it off! Plus, I would be a pioneer in a new field of modding! Alright, I am done here!

Good night xyxy love! Don't stay up too late! Love you!

:D take care of your health!

Gaaaaaaaaaah!

2010-07-07T14:29:00.001+08:00

So many things to do yet so little time, somehow I knew things wouldn't be relaxing even after camp lions. I wanna take some time off for myself, and I still haven't started studying. Running out of time now.

Just give me a day off please, 24 hours no distraction whatsoever. Camp lions took up too much time, so much that I am way behind on my guitar, not just resonation but for reaching jhana.

Good thing now is that at least I have been getting relatively more sleep, and also not neglecting someone :D Anyways, I need to cut down on coffee. I am not addicted though, my office ran out of the awesome instant hot choclate.

Argggh, need to start running again soon, and swimming too! Lapse on my usual schedule for what....3 weeks already? Damn. After resonation. I dont see any other major event which requires a significant amount of time, apart from CEP - but I am not involved in the planning this time round!

Guess we will just have to see, and yes! I have finally updated in a looong time.

A new circle

2010-06-24T14:31:00.001+08:00

So all our work has paid off, I feel so light now. Everyone is so inspired, motivated and passionate, let's just hope it lasts. A better understanding has been forged, misunderstandings cleared between everyone.

Now that everyone is strong, it is time to move! For us, there is a need to step up, why? If no one wants to, then who will? We all need to play our part, we all need to give back alittle. We have come so far, braved the rainy days and stormy nights but now the skies are clear.

And yet, we are still far from finished. Instead, another chapter awaits us all. Until, everyone returns.

To this place, this family in which we will have to build up from the foundations laid by the pioneers.

2010-06-15T12:07:00.002+08:00

I just remembered: When doing up the previous post, I was drifting in and out of sleep.

Not going to make any changes to it, why? A reminder to myself that sleep is indeed important. Finally, a few more days to go to Ex Lions. And yet, we are still not prepared. Not because we didn't put any effort into planning. I would say there are too many minor details we are not able to point out, simply because there are just too many.

60 : 8

try to guess the significance behind the numbers.

By tonight, I really want everything to be finished. I don't want any planning or last minute adjustments to eat into our stipulated relax and chill time! We have allocated some time for all of us to relax and by FSM we will!

Need to rush out a good story by tonight, I really hope this story line can replace the current one. Less prep and less manpower needed. Genius. Thank you technology!
I should be getting my MAG in about half an hour's time, can't wait heh!

3.5 × 30 × 5 = 525

2010-06-12T01:25:00.001+08:00

That's the amount of sleep in due in hours.

10 × 20 × 5 = 1000

that's the amount of money spent for meetings/ recce.

9 × 24 × 5 = 1080

Is the number of hours spent planning.

15 × 20 × 5 = 1200

Is the number of emails sent while planing.

I just went to wash my face, only to realise the sad state that I am in. The whole week I have stared at the mirror for at least 10, but it is only now that I my skin is getting worse and my eyebags are like 2 swift

punches to my eye sockets.

I never noticed nor did I pay attention, until now. Why are we doing this? Where's the energy to continue? I want to thank everyone for giving up time to support and help us out. Sorry, if I have offended you in some way or another.

Sorry kevin dude, for being in-your-face hostile and negative. You really caught me at a bad time. I need sleep like now, my eyelids are closing in their own.

Thanking everyone for putting up with my crap!

Maaaaaaaggy!

2010-06-10T14:14:00.001+08:00

The title is unrelated by the way. So many things not done yet! Problem is we can only do it at home or SBM, mostly SBM. Gonna miss this year's IT fair, no big deal since I am not looking for any new gadgets.

Argh, haven't even got time to enjoy the GSS fully! I was hoping to pick up some new clothes but seriously no time! I will most likely go shopping on 22 june, gave myself some vicky time after Ex Lions. Hopefully, it will be enough to cover 1 month's spread of shopping! Wishful thinking I might add.

Time to update my wishlist/ to do for this month:

- second longshot

- selling off my PSP

- cosmetic mods and spray painting for my armoury

- update wardrobe MK II

Beta testing completed!

2010-06-07T13:28:00.001+08:00

This weekend was a killer, early consecutive early mornings and late nights. We should have been resting! Well, like ZM said, this is the first time in history we are having a beta test session! Something new to us and also an achievment.

Funny how we appear to have planned everything well, but in our eyes we are still unprepared and still have a lot to do. It is good to see people willing to step up and take the challenge of taking up important roles.

I hope everyone can learn something new and also gain confidence, this time round I learnt the power of documentation haha. Although it is hell tidious, thanks to technology replicating documents are wayyyy easier.

Just a short update, should finish up this post before I.enter the tunnel. Cheers!

TGIF

2010-06-04T17:11:00.001+08:00

So it's Friday, the past few days have passed rather fast. Squeezed in time for my guitar, spent a nice evening with xinyi. Quite a productive week I must add, with 90% of the documents for camp lions done we just need to settle logistics and the beta test coming this Sunday.

So far, we have put in so much effort to make it a success. Thank you everyone, those who have took time off to help out and those who stood by supporting us. We started off earlier but met with multiple major set backs.

It's been fun as it has been brain draining. So much ups and downs, we definately bonded and understood each other better now. After next week, its full time break and then its off the EX Lions.

Man, we haven't had a good nerf lately. I have been dying for a nice round!

Irrational and emotional

2010-06-01T19:53:00.001+08:00

I have observed my biggest weakness. Seen the drastic change from positive to negative to positive, pray tell when will negative come. I am ruled by emotions, I am ruled by my feelings. This hinders my judgemnt greatly, but I can't that over night.

Maybe I don't have the concentration, I don't have the patience and lack the awareness. If this is so, I have a long way to go. I am biased, flawed and rash. Knowing it doesn't solve anything, it may only be the start.

Why? I don't know. Why? I don't know. Why?

What happened to me? Why am I stuck in this slurry of mixed emotions? It's so sudden. I don't even know what is the cause, or is there even a cause.

I have no reason to despair, no reason for anger. I can't answer my own questions, not even when this shit will stop.

Snip snip

2010-05-31T18:27:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, against all odds, bearing dirt and dust, we cleared the room. An act of god? Hell no! But there was, however, divine intervention - because sx was reading some religious text loudly in our faces instead of lending a hand. He stopped eventually.

The room is really bigger than it seems! And we rid the useless computer from taking up precious storage space for the drumset. Good job everyone! Seriously.

And also thanks to sx, the youth notice board has been updated and nicely decorated. I think no food or drinks should be allowed in the youth room, I recall finding a packet of ants somewhere. Mind you it used to be a packet of milk tea, and that's not the

worst.

Gonna go cut my hair now, just got off from work. Ah shit, need to walk in the rain later. Shall continue afterwards! Brb! Okay, its pretty short now so I am guessing someone would be squealing with joy right about.....now!

Silly girl! Haha! Love ya!

Snip snip

2010-05-31T18:26:00.001+08:00

A change of pace

2010-05-27T10:42:00.001+08:00

This is rather unexpected! I have been asked by my boss to attend an ex-co meeting in his place. Since both my bosses are out of office, and won't be back until next week.

It's a nice change of pace, getting out of the office and moving around. The only thing out of place would be me, it's an ex-co meeting so i can be expecting a room full of officers. I just printed out a copy of the previous meeting minutes, yep just as I suspected - captains, majors and LTC's.

I have got a feeling that I might be abit too early, I still have an hour to kill before 12 by the time I reach yishun mrt. Okay, I can finally put the circle line to good use.

And yes, I am in uniform now. Which is probably why a lot of people are approaching me for directions. Sure, with the white shirt and appulets = steorotypical friendly-neighbourhood security guard.

Not to mention not sewing on any ranks isn't helping in any way. I don't mind people asking for directions, anyone could use some help sometimes. It's just the uniform and my mindset.

Meanwhile, I need to find a nice spot to grab some lunch. Not too famished, just need to kill some time.

2010-05-26T13:01:00.000+08:00

Too bad, I love typing compared to doing up a picture-intensive post!

Just a random thought, is a picture really worth a thousand words? Let's be a wise-ass for a moment here.

An average 1500 word report on open office = 30kb

An average picture taken by an 8MP camera = 300kb

If that is so, it is safe to say that a picture is effectively = 10 x 1500 = 15000 words by today's standards!

=======================================================================================

Oooooh, I am hooked on using " = " as dividers! Look how professional they are!
They look good don't they? Anyways, it's a good thing I have to do research for my boss. That means I get to use the Internet during work hours! The only bad thing is that, I have been confronting walls of texts for 3 days straight.

It's bad for the eyes, and significantly reduces my comprehension power. These guys really know their stuff, I must say. Plus, they are nice people too! I should try to finish my work by today, but I wish I could if the computer is faster and so is the internet connection.

So many restrictions and stress, not my kind of environment. I must again add that the people are really nice though.

=======================================================================================

Picked up a pair of gray jeans from Zara yesterday, had been wanting to buy them but they have buttons in place of a zip! Call me lazy if you want, but I don't fancy having to spend 5 mins just to zip my fly. No wait it's no longer zipping!
They'd be done by this Friday, which would be in time for Saturday's wedding luncheon. The only thing I am not happy with the jeans is the buttons, but the colour is really nice and it is absolutely comfortable! Big con against 2 pros there.

I picked up my guitar again, too bad I only had less than an hour's worth of playtime. I have ideas for some new songs floating around, but still not enough time to refine them into a good progression of chords and also the singing style. Still lots of work to do there.

Right, lunch time is over time to head back to research and compilation!

2010-05-21T09:40:00.001+08:00

I just read the post on SBMY's blog, wonder who posted it. Its cool to see people enjoying themselves despite their age! "Growing old is mandatory, but growing up isn't", I think that's everyone should remember because it'd make you a happier person.

I don't see why people should be afraid to have fun, is there really a need to be serious ALL the time? We might have our priorities and duties to perform, but that should be the reason stopping us from having fun.

Granted, we need to be professional and focused at times. Than again, not all the time. Humans beings need to be constantly reminded. When we direct 100% of our attention to anything, we tend to overlook everything else. We are also creatures of habit. Once we get used to something, we are hesitant to any changes.

So go play, have fun and live your life! You will never be childish, if you don't grow up! :)

Kudos to the person who shared the story!

In teh fortress of solitude!

2010-05-18T11:28:00.001+08:00

Just a quick thought: have been running i7-turbo boost for over a long time, eventually the time will come when things burn out or break down. When will that happen? Fortunately, I have found upgrades and components that can prolong the boost period without damaging the whole system.

Okay, enough of the compu-speak. What I am trying to say is that I overlooked many people and things around me during this boost period. Well, not anymore! I have remembered why am I doing this, for whom and for what.

Thank you all for being so supportive and patient, although majority will never read this haha. e have grown up together, played hard suffered setbacks but let's not give up!

We are like a chain, as long we hold on and depend on each other we are unbreakable. Nobody should be doing anything alone :)

Alrighty, its about time for me to go jogging! But I would rather run on an empty stomach and empty bowels, guess that sets me back awhile!

Ease of access!

2010-05-17T11:01:00.001+08:00

Data plan! The most wonderful thing in the world of restrictions, coupled with a smartphone. I haven't been online in a long time because of my work hours and busy weekends but that's all behind us now!

Just as long my battery lasts, I am virtually unstoppable! Muahahaha, unless I have insane workload. Anyways, camp lions has been occupying 80% of my time since we started. As camp date draws closer, more deadlines are surfacing.

Damned if we don't, damned if we do...then what are we to do?! So many things to do and yet so little time, thankfully I have means to stay marginally stress-free.

Thank you hcssaxy :D

I barely have time for myself lately, let alone my hot secretary. Haven't played a good NERF in awhile, haven't touched Amelia in awhile. MW2 has been left stagnant, studies on hiatus. (Which is probably a really bad thing).

Guess the weekend really took a mucho-grande load off my shoulders, despite the lack of sleep. Compared to having stressful days and sleepless night, i'd pick just sleepless nights than having both.

At this point of time, momentum is picking up for me! Which means I am in my ready-to-take-on-the-world mood, not as the next Hitler though.

Okay, time to leave this cubicle to go back to the othe cubicle. Freezing my ass off in here, literally.

2010-05-10T18:17:00.000+08:00

Blogged.

Been a long time. That's all.

I finally took a break from intensive Camp Lions planning.
No other camp has been this tiring and stressful - physically, mentally and economically.

Oh man, now I am even blogging about it when it suppose to be my break from Camp Lions.

This post should not be dedicated to it, although it has been occupying 80% of my time since we started. And NS sure isn't helping, if we could just sit down together and plan full time like 24/7, we'd be done in 3 days tops.

Next up, my eyesight is failing thanks to my job. In less than 3 months, I can see a big difference from the last time my eyesight degraded. Alright I see where this is going, this blog post will sound really depressing so I am going to avoid that.

Anyways, thanks to all you awesome people out there! Sorry, retract that since AWESOME has been taken by someone already! :) Astounding seems to be underused .

Thanks to all you ASTOUNDING people, for making it such a great birthday for me!
I am looking forward to this Friday's dinner, suit up and dine out in style!
I still suck at organization skills, time and money management but I have learnt a great deal. 21 is just a number, years is just a definition of time. Minus the time spent sleeping, time wasted and procrastinating, I would say I lived a good 10 maybe?

It don't matter to me, for I believe time spent alone may not equate to time spent effectively. Family, friends and life have taught me more than school ever did.
I may not be good enough yet, but I will be within the next 5 years. I will bring about change to the stagnant and passive. You'll see.

Love you xyxy! It's amazing how you keep surprising me! CHSSAWESOMENESS!

Not a terrorist!

2010-03-25T01:04:00.000+08:00

Neither am I in arms-dealing. I finally got started on modification, MAO and ERNEST came over to do the raiders. Looks like we found ourselves a " Raider Specialist". Currently, Mao is the only one who has the most knowledge on assembling a raider.

And I finally started on the paint job of my guns! Got myself a can of flat black and chrome silver spray! First time spraying and I hoped I wouldn't mess up the whole exterior, and what do you know! I managed to do better than I had expected!

Of course I made many mistakes and did my best to correct them but that's how you learn! No issue except that I wasted a good paint job because I wanted to go to sleep haha!

Lesson learnt: Don't do 2 different paint jobs close to each other. Thanks to that I had to re-do the Desert Eagle's black coloring.

Second lesson learnt: Don't forget where you sprayed, because of that I spoilt the nice Matt-black paint job by leaving 1/4 of a finger print.

Last lesson learnt: Don't handle 2 different colors at the same time. I had to do a few more coats because I left silver smudges on the Matt-black coat.

Alrighty! Sleep time!

CS_CARPARK and DE_BRASBASAH created.

2010-03-23T12:16:00.000+08:00

I think from now on I'll just update during lunch time during office hours! So much better and the Internet speed here is pretty decent.

Sunday! Our first ever closed beta testing of a NERF match, we played at KW's place and damn! 2 Ferrari's parked face to face! Nice. Anyways, our arsenal has expanded rather well since we started off. From just 3 recons, we now have a nice array of weapons ranging from defensive to all-out offensive!

So who do we have on our NERF team so far?

KW, NEST, JY, MAO, IAN, HQ, YY, MABEL, RUNDAY and myself. Sorry, did I miss anyone out?

Alright, just so you guys know the above mentioned have played an actual match already.
Do join us! It's fun and so much less painful compared to paint-ball. (You guys suck)
First thing's first, please get your own gun. I am still feeling @!%@#% because some one spoilt my longshot, and I haven't even used it in a match.

Yesterday! Another sweet spot for NERFING until MAO almost died from killer litter. So we took shifted to the basement carpark, then HQ almost mowed us down with his Toyota wish. Don't worry it was just all good clean fun!

We still need to find nice places to play, preferably enclosed areas so we can minimize ammo loss. This coming Friday would be our 3rd CBT, so quickly go get a gun of your own!

Don't worry Xinyi, I lend you mine first! :D

Stealth in a white complex

2010-03-18T16:32:00.000+08:00

This would probably be when my blog is the most active since who know when!
Yes people, I DO HAVE THAT MUCH TIME and freedom. Finally! I am connected to civilization. Awesome.

I have gone through my list of killing time and all I have left is to kill 20 mins. I could do a really deep reflection but trust me, IQ levels just drop when you enter a cubicle. Besides, I am in going home mood. I don't think I wanna stay here any longer!

Alright here's something for you guys and girls to think about:

People tend to think I am quiet over here, maybe they're right then again maybe not.
What I like to do sometimes is to observe, through observing you learn.
And everything you learn through observing, can't be taught in classrooms.

Try observing the people around you, in a way it benefits you. Why?
You can read people through their speech,actions and expressions.
It's really interesting just to take a step back and just observe, you get to see their personality and if you go in depth, you can almost read their thoughts.

Feel free to correct me, but this is just my opinion, alrighty?

I see this as a form of meditation and concentration, not everyone wakes up everyday thinking "Okay! Time to observe me some human specimens!" When we get comfortable with our surrounds, we relax and "let our guards down". It's almost like when a person is drunk, he/she is unaware of his/her surroundings - they can do almost anything without fear.

However, that's losing total control of oneself.

So try it, just observe how some of your friends or colleagues act and speak. If anyone is able to master reading of body language and picking out common speech patterns of certain people, you will know if you can trust them or not. Also, what you need to look out for in this or that person and who to stay away from. This would be really useful when anyone starts working in a new environment.

That's about it, and I can't remember if I did a similar post before but oh! Just nice! Time to pull a ninja!

Cheers!

Nerfeverishingonadophiliactromophosisticallitric nonsense.

2010-03-17T16:10:00.000+08:00

Turns out I am on vacation mode at least until Friday. I am sitting in a cubical now.
All around me is 3 x 3 partition walls which ends just barely above my eyes.

So this is working life huh?

Compared to my previous location, this place is more....secluded. Although I have a private workspace now, I miss the view of the runway and the frequent F-16 take-offs.
Not that I am complaining though, to each there's their pros and cons.
Man, the silence is just....well you can hear it! Funny way to put, it is fairly loud.

It must be surprising that I am able to use a computer to blog, let alone government property. So I think I should make damn sure my content is politically correct!
Since morning I have been surfing the net, I should have started blogging long ago!
I just killed like 30 mins in a blink of an eye! Anyways, I came across a really cool site.

To all you NERFERS and gun enthusiast out there, there is a place in Singapore which sells 1 : 1 scale replica guns and a few swords. I wished I found the place way earlier, I could have bought a P90. Hmmm...on a totally unrelated side note, Diana with P90....Gunsliger girl!!! *SQUEAL!*

Aaanyways, hope they do re-stock on certain items. On to the important part, on NERF guns the place sells actual or replica gun sights and scopes which really bring modding your NERF guns up to a whole new level! Think of adding REAL sniper scopes, red dot sights and real butt-stocks. I hope I can accomplish everything I've planned for modifications before June.

So that gives me roughly 2 months to play with, as of now I am currently in the midst of regretting and brooding over buying a new HDD. Next up, I also checked out some upcoming smartphones. Now I don't want a HTC legend, I WANT A NEXUS ONE!!! And depending on the pricing I WANT A DELL MINI 5 TOO!! So now it's just down to 2 awesome phones - both of which costs an arm and a leg, and the other isn't even out yet.

Stupid Acer Hdd......ARGHHHH!

So many things to do, but so little time.........and money.

Before I am done here, I must say the NERF community in SG is surprisingly active!
Which is a good thing, and can't wait to join in the fun once all my modding is done!

2010-03-16T23:32:00.000+08:00

Have been really busy lately. So let's just make it quick, shall we?

Nothing significant except for ONE MONTH! Okay. For starters, I am not the type to care over 1 month anniversaries and such. So since it's the first, well...Yay! Don't get me wrong here. It's not that I don't care but if I were to say count anniversaries on a monthly basis, won't it be alot less special?

If anyone were to celebrate anniversaries on a monthly basis, why not cut to weeks? No better yet days! And while you're at it might as well count the hours, minutes and seconds! I think it's really not a big deal, it's just.....time. Well, that's just my belief anyways. 'Cos what matters most is not time spent but how it has been spent.

For us? Although we don't get to see each other much, I treasure every minute I spent with her. She has given me back my smile.

Pim Pom!

2010-02-15T15:33:00.000+08:00

Bank Account update: Positive value!

That's amazing! Considering the fact that my bank account is usually empty. Heh.
New year's been awesome, although I have yet to get any work done!!! I can't help it!
I get distracted just too easily, and I have been going out frequently. The good thing is that I finally have the time to kick back and relax, just sit or sleep around the house. Not quite literally though.

Started to learn the joys of shopping, gonna make sure that I would revamp mah wardrobe by the end of this year! It's time to outgrow teh T-shirt and jeans combo, but not forgo it entirely! I mean take for instance going to a concert, a T-shirt and a pair of jeans will suffice. Since it's hot as hell in there and you'd be jumping around and exiting all drenched in sweat which might not be your own.

100210 - A date to remember, lest I seek death.
211091 - A day to celebrate, your very first breath.
130210 - An evening to replay, study dinner and rest.
100211 - An event to plan, to be the best!

♥My New Clothes!

Sick of being sick.

2010-02-08T19:23:00.000+08:00

Updaaaaaaaated! Yep! I am sick. That's all!

Kidding! Late nights and early mornings can only equate to falling sick sooner or later. Not to mention junk food and spicy snacks here and there, its about time I fell sick. Lot's of major projects coming up for SBMY and Reaching Jhana, and the most important deadline is the earliest one due. 3 songs in about a month is kinda tough, but the rewards is sure as hell one sweeeeeet deal!

It's been awhile since I had any significant inspiration, and the best part is that I don't need to drink to that! With guitar strings all changed, the only thing left is my effects pedal. It's nothing worth losing sleep over, but it'd be nice if I could get....say a BOSS GT-8. Too bad it's out of production already, so that means I can only find 2nd hand ones. Not that I mind though.

MUSE WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME! $160 WELL SPENT! Although the other expenses following MUSE was not that well spent like...the $3 spent on a can of 100 plus. $3 spent on 1.5litres of 100 plus and $2 bucks or cup noodles. There's so much more but I don't remember since most of my memory capacity has been dedicated strictly to muse!

Welp, gonna go out and do some grocery shopping now. But before I go....

Maybe I am thinking too much like you, but I can't help it. It might only slow things down but it won't do anything worse. Being around you makes me nervous but the fact won't change : I like being around you. I like being with you. :)

Ps. I think you look great!

Forked roads.

2010-02-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

It may be a new beginning, but I like it here. I wish to stay but I can't, they won't let me - after what I did.
What else can be done? Nothing. It's my choice, no regrets. Just need to look forward and stay positive!

Just so you know, you should know what I am talking about. If you don't then I didn't tell you and don't assume!

Opened door.

2010-01-29T19:02:00.000+08:00

Nothing new for Reaching Jhana, after much deliberation I have decided to install Itunes on my desktop. Since I have handed my laptop over for my dad to use and my desktop is my primary storage bank. Welp, gonna take me awhile to try duplicate my play lists.

Not that I am complaining, but the air show sure is gonna be loads of fun! *grumble*
Big BBQ coming up on Saturday, hope there's enough space to accommodate us all. Then there's fun-run-sun coming up too, the last week has been quite hectic already barely got 5 hours of sleep per day.

Damn, when I finally get a chance to sit down and blog I don't have anything to say! I remember having ideas floating around for the past week, but guess I clean forgot everyone of them!

Puh.

2010-01-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

Internet has been down for awhile, and I hardly noticed! Since I reach home rather late and my bed just seems to call out to me more than the computer. Until one day my dad calls me up and asks: " Hey son, what network do you usually connect to when you use your laptop?"

The previous weekend has been crazy, really really really crazy. Sorry. The dream was nice though, was like watching a re-run of a favourite part of your life. Too bad we can't import it all into some storage device, I am sure there's a potential market for a product like that!

I should be going to sleep soon, shall compile a MUSE play list..maybe by tomorrow. Big night out is coming! Yet, it is still quite far away. Before I go to sleep, I just remembered what this post was dedicated to. You need to gain more confidence in yourself, stop thinking too much and just take the plunge. Sometimes working out scenarios and planning moves just don't cut.

There's no way that anyone can plan for every possible scenario, you need to accept that. Not to mention learn to deal with failure, and not be afraid of the unknown.
Inferiority complex is no excuse for avoidance, giving up half-way and shutting yourself out is not the way to go.

Just drop it. Truth be told, you are more capable than you ever know. Trust yourself.

Lol.

2010-01-16T01:42:00.000+08:00

It would have been really funny if I actually went on posting this post on SBM's blog.
Everyone would be going "huh?" or think it's been hacked. That'd been funny though!
Good thing I went to check older posts, because I knew something's amiss when I had over 400 posts.
So it's been shifted, it wasn't even published over there in the first place but still...close call!

Started reading books again, brain food and a great way to work your imagination muscles! Hah.
For the record it's not an erotic novel, well not ENTIRELY anyway but the point is that you'll come to realize it's normal and accept it.
Let's say the story is about a middle-aged man near his 40's whose marriage is falling apart due to his alcohol addiction.
His wife of 12 years has tried to remedy the situation to no avail, and has decided it's time to move on.
So the man is left broken and worn after the divorce, but it still deeply in love with his ex-wife that he is devastate by the big split.
He is left to cope with his addiction alone, and as time passes he falls into depression and lost the will and ability to socialize.
When he tried watching porn or calling prostitutes for sex services, he stays limp no matter what.

Yes. It has sex in it, we can't ignore the fact it exists.
This is no PG-all's well and ends well book, it's written to be realistic in every aspect.

Though it may be fiction, it is hard to believe that a 30-odd-40 year old is not interested in sex afte being married for so long. Theremight be cases but they are hard to come by. Besides, sooner or later you will come into contact with topics regarding sex or the actual act itself. There's no point trying to avoid it, if everyone back in the olden days didn't have sex, where would we be? It's reality do open your eyes and minds. Don't condone nor should you condemn it. It's time to grow up and acknowledge its existence.

So don't childish or try to ignore this subject, it's just a matter of getting used to its being talked about.
Oh, the book I dug up is more depressing but really heartwarming.
The story is about a man who has to take care of his schzio-brother since his step dad does not want to be involved.
He really loves his brother and goes all out to take care of him.

Oh by the way, the first story was made-up. Yet somehow, I am willing to bet that there's an exact story out there waiting to be discovered.

Detour.

2010-01-12T21:57:00.002+08:00

A new post was to be in place, right here. Unfortunately, for reasons unknown it wasn't saved nor published. So I am just @!%^$^%@ at the moment, and in no mood to do up a post of quality.

Quality posts takes time, time waste = pissed off mood.

I am not that petty to be extremely pissed off by such a little incident, just too lazy to re-do what was lost. So the next post would be in a couple of days time!

Cheerios!

Detour.

2010-01-12T21:57:00.001+08:00

2010 - 21

2010-01-07T00:58:00.000+08:00

A big step to take, in a new world I wake.
Look forward and ahead, a world's at stake.
Not to take haste, nor keep a slow pace.
To strive on ahead, for the coming days.

Uncertainty, comes naturally when dealing with the unknown.
That's not too bad I guess, it could be alot worse!
We should all take things as it comes and adapt or change.
Fear not what we cannot do, but wonder what can't we not do.
Hope this motivation and optimism stays strong within.
As it is alot easier to give advice then to heed.

Clear skies after turbulent days? We can keep hoping.

2 after 1.

2009-12-28T21:14:00.000+08:00

Upon serious contemplation, someone found out a certain something. Oh come on, if it were that secretive, it won't even be mentioned over here. Anyways, it isn't really important after all. All this shit was all brought upon myself by only yours truly, there really couldn't have been anyone else.

So you let go, then realize....wait a minute, I am back to square one again!

Not because you haven't let go, but because you have.
Then there's the question: if you DID let go as you claim, why it is back to square one?

Not so simple eh?

Maybe the problem lies with you thinking you've let go of the past, but you did...didn't you?

Sure you did, but you are thinking of a different scenario. Tricky? Not one bit, it happens all the time. If you don't pay close attention, anyone could have assumed the same as you did. Don't blame yourself, rather be proud of yourself for pointing out the flaw which can be easily overlook without thorough scrutiny.

Now then, maybe we can discuss the next step another time?

Refresh. F5.

2009-12-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

Camp's over, next up? Nothing much. Next year is coming around the corner soon. Haven't been able to sit in front of the screen due to the lack of free time. Sure, people say it's the attitude that determines if one is experiencing a new learning opportunity or just wasting time. That's just honey-coating reality. Can't and won't see myself trudging down life's road doing this shit. Excuse me, I just needed to say that badly.

Everyone's talking about camp, how it was fun and awesome. Well, it truly was.

Year after year, we keep doing the same thing over and over again. Why do keep to it? What pushes us to do something at the expense of our time, freedom and money?

Simply because of you.

All the organizers of this camp have worked beyond their butts off, just to put smiles on the faces of our campers. Cheers to everyone who has put in alot of effort, despite the complaining and bickering, we did it! POV courtesy of the games team, we thought we were getting too old and running out of ideas for new games initially. And that, the skits were not funny and just plain stupid.

Thankfully, with the change in location and new found tools. We have inspiration! The fire now burns intensively once again! So look forward to the next camp! We sure are, because there a new ideas floating about.

looking back on everything, this year is just too long. I want to start next year soon, since there's still a chance alot of things buried and pushed behind aren't settled just yet.

2009-10-10T03:50:00.000+08:00

Turned the world upside-down,

blinded and locked all senses,

unaware of my presence, you stood within my gaze.

Laughing and cheering wholeheartedly,

at screens intensely hued,

mesmerized and nostalgic, you stood within my gaze.

Bittersweet memories ripple in abundance,

with salty tears welling in my eyes,

the pain of remembrance of whence, you stood within my gaze.

As I retreat so slowly and surely,

so secretly and so silently,

cowardly stealing one last glance, you stood within my gaze.

------------------------------------------------------------

Just so much I want to know.

To start all over, if there's a chance.

You appear at the strangest of times.

Give me a break, just for once.

Never did forgive myself.

Lost my mind, lost my sight.

Trying hard just to forget.

Praying for the day, I might.

Harbouring second thoughts so carelessly.

Adversely, you had quickly dismiss them.

Wake up now and cool your head.

Before you grind your heart to sand.

------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't want to spoil your day, nor did I have any intention of causing you any worry.

It just became so hard for me to give you a genuine smile.

It took me so long to muster what little courage that was left just to say hi.

Wished for the world to stop, so I can hold you just once more.

My heart sank when you look so shocked and in disbelief, as if I had returned from the dead.

My words had no meaning, my throat was dry but I forced out a conversation.

Mixed emotions beyond my comprehension surged throughout my body.

Shaking and trembling trying my best to appear as normal, acting all casual.

Couldn't hold back my tears no more, tears of joy or hurt remains unknown.

You left without a word just as before, what more could be done?

Sick and tired of this cycle, as well as being sick in the head.

------------------------------------------------------------

I hate to admit it but it doesn't matter.

I hate myself.

I hate myself.
I hate myself.

Stupid.

I love you.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Oh it's the best thing that you ever had, the best thing you ever ever had.

It's the best thing that you ever had, the best thing you have had has gone away.

In your house, I long to be.

Room by room, patiently.

I'll wait for you there, like a stone.

I'll wait for you there, alone.

There's a part of me, you'll never know.

The only thing I'll never show.

Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly.

Hopelessly, I'll give you everything.

But I won't give you up, won't let you down.

And I won't leave you falling, if the moment ever comes.

It's plain to see it's trying to speak.

Cherished dreams forever asleep.

Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly.

Hopelessly, I'll give you everything.

But I won't give you up, won't let you down.

And I won't leave you falling, if the moment ever comes.

Hopelessly, I'll love you endlessly.

Hopelessly, I'll give you everything.

But I won't give you up, won't let you down.

And I won't leave you falling, if the moment ever comes.

When will this end/start? Please tell me.

2009-09-23T23:14:00.000+08:00

Gut wrenching not due to excitement. Thought it was over just 15 mins ago, but guess not.

Beads of sweat, cold sweat breaking out furiously. Suck it up man, suck it up.

Can't really recall the last time I was this sick, or whatever it is that's going on with me.

I hope I'll be able to wake up on time in the hours to come, let's just say tasting food from a reverse order isn't exactly great. And repetetion is a killer.

If this keeps up I guess I have to report sick tomorrow. Argh, feel so miserable and shitty.

2009-09-17T19:33:00.001+08:00

Feels like I've left something behind, though can't quite put my finger on it. On the other hand inferiority complex is catching up for lost time. And on top of that itunes is being such a bitch.

I want to know what I have been doing since 7 weeks ago, then I want to know what I will be doing from the next day onwards. Can't say I know the answer for both question. Don't evening know what has happened for the last 3 years, seems like waking from a dream. You know something has happened but everything's a blur.

Still tinkering with itunes, running through all the old songs and sorting out stuff. Found really old stuff, brings back the nostalgic feeling. I've got "Innocent" by our lady peace, playing in the background.

One day
You'll have to let it go,
Oh
One day
You'll stand up on your own, you'll stand up on your own
Yeah
Remember losing hope,
Remember feeling low,
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

Gone through that in my head one time too many. I need to find more distractions, at least something safer and legal. Since my guitar feels rather dead, and I can't seem to get any inspiration out anymore.

Counting down the days, counting down the hours.

Awesomeness

2009-08-29T14:33:00.001+08:00

2009-08-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

Rewriting, removing and repeating.

Lost, lonely and late.

Crashed, crushed and chronic.

Angry, aimless and anti-social.

Sadness, strive and schizoid.

Dementia, desolation and death.

Hollow, hallucination and hysteria.

Militia, meaningless and malicious.

Eradicate, extinguish and extinction.

Loser, you no longer feel alive.

Defeated, you dwell in despair.

Carry on, walking on.

Your life is over, your world's gone.

Failure, once bitten twice shy.

Deadbeat, you just waste away.

walk it off, jump right off.

Because your head's gone soft.

Couldn't see it coming right at you?

Knew the consequences, yet you ran right through.

Calling off. Calling off. Calling it off.

Created, problems on your own.

Faded, your memory's all blank.

Heading back, you're running back.

You are one nervous wreck.

Late, barely missed your mark.

Regret, is all that is left of you.

No way out, no backing out.

No one hearing you shout.

Couldn't see it coming right at you?

Knew the consequences, yet you ran right through.

Calling off. Calling off. Calling it off.

Take away all emotions,

leave behind this empty shell.

No sympathy given,

you're now living in hell.

Couldn't see it coming right at you?

Knew the consequences, yet you ran right through.

Calling off. Calling off. Calling it off.

2009-08-16T16:00:00.000+08:00

Sing away my pain, if only it were true. For one it never works, for two I can't sing.

It's time to give up, there's no use fighting for what I believe in.
It's already too late for anything to be done, so it's time to rewrite everything.
Stand down, step back and draw the line of retreat.

Wave the flag, throw in the towel and disappear in a blink.

Switch off.

Back, only to leave once again.

2009-08-09T13:08:00.000+08:00

It's been a while, I feel like an alien now that I am back. Things haven't changed much, but 2 weeks isn't that short either. I am spending way too much for the past 2 nights, its time to grab the financial reins and take control. Good thing is that my appetite has gone down, so has my beer gut but I am still drinking wayyyyy too much or at least spending too much.

Haven't been able to practice my guitar, damn it....and its less than 24h until I need to go back in.

Being stuck in camp for 2 weeks just burns off creativity and my capability to think. All we do is follow orders and no questions asked, then again a good soldier is one that doesn't ask and just execute orders.

My personal goal to be achieved in a span of the next 5 weeks: To be able to do 15 pull ups, shape up and probably do a good timing for the 2.4km run.

I need to start packing my stuff already so catch you all in the weekend to come! I need to start reading more books to ensure my vocabulary stays diverse, and of course force myself to speak porper english without any vulgerities!

My last supper.........with my folks.........until 2 weeks later :D

2009-07-23T21:10:00.000+08:00

Had a nice juicy burger at Empire State, looks good right?

Yeah, this is how big it really was.

Still doubting the size? Yes. That is what you think it is! That's my Kube mp3 player right there sitting on the fries, to justify the freakin' size of the burger.

Did I mention the patty is 3cm thick?

Alright, I'll be seeing you guys in about 2 weeks time! Take care of yourselves and stay cool! :D

2009-07-21T01:44:00.000+08:00

The last time I watched a movie at the cinema was when Watchmen was out. Not a big fan of Harry potter but since my days are numbered, what the hey! Nothing too impressive, full of plausible sexual innuendos but awesome! - just for about 30 secs.

I haven't been following the series, but HAH! The plot was all too predictable! And really, Harry potter has to be blind or something. Ignoring Hermione and going for Ginny, what's the deal man?The scar was probably proof of Voldemort removing half of Harry's brain or something.

On the other hand, Dumbledore whose sexual orientation is questionable, was a bad-ass mutherfucka! Dude had like more than 70 Gollums crawling over him, but was still capable of burning the shit outta them all even after he had taken...laxatives maybe? Right after that little pyromaniac act of his, I gain respect for him. That was all in a mere 30 seconds.

Ron was being a ignorant douche-bag as usual, Draco was like some whiney little bitch and Snape was like Ozzy Osbourne 'cept the part of being the fuckin' half-blood prince of darkness and without some Ozzy shades. Too bad he didn't bite Dumbledore's head off like the REAL Ozzy Osbourne would, instead he just killed him with some words.

I won't say it was a crappy movie, nor will I say it was spectacular. Maybe to the hard-core HP fans it would be the most awesome thing ever to hit the silver screen, but then that is just bias opinion. Neither a fan nor a hater I say it was average, but I stress again that Dumbledore is wicked sick!